You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
