I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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