Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
