Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
