Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
