Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
