P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
