Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
