Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Randomize
