seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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