Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
