well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
