You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
