pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My balls are so social today.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
