i permit you to call me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
