I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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