I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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