Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.

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(775): View more from Nevada

You're the end to all my bad dreams.

(702): View more from Nevada

Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(256): View more from Alabama

Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.

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(407): View more from Florida

Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.

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(574): View more from Indiana

Paige is home safe.

(574): View more from Indiana

Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.

(734): View more from Michigan

I always knew youd fuck a cat lady

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