he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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