when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
