My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
