Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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