Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
