Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
