Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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