Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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