Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
