I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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