I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
