My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
