just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
