new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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