he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
