took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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