OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
