you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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