Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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