I want to walk on stilts...naked
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Randomize
