I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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