I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
