woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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