In the future we'll all be gay
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
