I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
