I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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