He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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