You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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