In the future we'll all be gay
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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