I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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