I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
