the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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