He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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