i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize