he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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