yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize