Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize