I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
