Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up under a house in Key West
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
