if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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