The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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