I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
