A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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