I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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