I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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