I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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