in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
