i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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