They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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