Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i out mim tonsoeep
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