I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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