Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
