The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize