Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
