I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
