your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
